Based on a discussion I had with Indhira (MoreIceCreamPlease) and Belkys (both my cousins), and having committed, (early today) the sin of “meterme en lo que no me importa” I have decided to use some of the words of that discussion to remind myself that I should not be a “bad, bad, boy”, and keep my big mouth shut, in the presence of idiocy. One of my dear cousin is of the thought, that “even though people usually say they are not offended by unwelcome comments about their personal lives, to the extent of excusing the behavior of those uttering such comments on the basis that they love you, that is not the way to show love: so because I love you, I can criticize your appearance? It is insensitive, tactless and socially unacceptable”.
Gonig further to speculate: “What is this, a family thing or a Dominican thing? Does love act like the LOL acronym by softening the insults? (Refer to Indy's blog, "LOL!: The duct tape of online conversation") If a person doesn't have anything nice to say without being insincere, he/she should not say anything at all. A simple "Good to see you!" would suffice.
My other cousin retort saying “I guess that's a dominican thing: either you take the insult, or you're labeled as overly sensitive (or is it really a family thing? Ummm...)”
It never crosses people's minds that some things they say can actually be hurtful. Perhaps you could get away with it the first time, But it will come the time that they over do it and it really push the going tired button of our patience.
I, personally, usually point out close friends an family members' mistakes and lack of tact. When is done to me (by the same people) I just inform them (if need be), that I am fine; and their point was dully noted but ignored.
I have spoken to you all, on things that might have been on the edge of meddling on your personal lives. I apologize for that and hope you've got the fact, that I was not judging but triggering your interest in self reviewing something unbecoming to you or my image of you (how egotistical!).
I also hope that you understand my lack of tact as being motivated by love rather than just "morbo Dominicano or Paulinesco".
Those comments coming from other than the people mentioned here and who have gone beyond mere comments and become judgmental or critical, are just ignored or worse, answered.
Ahora se me olvidó agregar, que no meterse en asuntos "ajenos", como que no tiene gusto en el cybermundo (al menos pa'mi).
ReplyDeleteWhere is the fun of participating on FB to tell people: you are nice, you look good, I love you prima, Your hair is wonderful, etcetera?
Hay que aconsejar, hay que criticar y porque no, dar su bochesito de vez en cuando. Pero lo que uno nunca debe de olvidar, es dar cuarda. Sin la cuerda el reloj feibuquianio no camina. Digo yo.....
Judging by this blog entry, as well as "Para quien escribo" and "La Barriga", the level of flak you received must be of biblical proportions to warrant apologies and what appears to be a defensive attitude. If it weren't because you actually enjoy winding people up, I would feel sorry for you (well, almost).
ReplyDeleteBy the way, thanks for quoting me (and so extensively)!
Dear Belkys, yes, it is big, one day i'll give you copies. I take note, file and ignore most of them. To some, to not appear "impolite", I must soften the wound by writing some things. But be sure, that I'm very stubborn on my convictions and therefore I might do the "polite" thingy, but at the end I'll say what I have to say. Piquele a quien le pique.
ReplyDeleteI think the amount of people who don't like what I write are far bigger and since they "ultimatetly" like me, don't say a thing (I hope you are not one of them). I like to be commented and like to answer. Wish they do it in public so I can respond in public and explain better my points, but most of the time they ask not to be in the open. Most people get things when discussing them rather by the articles' language and space constraints.
What a waste not to educate them in public! ;>)
(Al que le sirva el sombrero -de esa ultima linea- que se lo ponga)
And BTW, you and Indy are dangerous readers... Always picking the things others don't (not that I don't like). I wonder why you both like to read the fine print between lines...
ReplyDeleteAh! I always forget: you two are related, right?