Since everybody wants me to be part of something religious, I decided to create my own religion in which I am the popastor (something like pope and pastor) of my own flock. Of course if you create a religion you must have a sacred book, so my book is the Tullidor's bible "Satiras, America la Tullida". Read it, it will blow your mind!
Also, there must be some kind of creed or things to believe in. So here is the list of things my church believe in:
Church of Fartology
- We believe in the science of fartology
- We do not convert people based on fart pretenses
- It has been scientifically proven that skid marks is an extra juicy fart.
- If you eat beans at Christmas dinner, you will sing Jingle Farts
- Sir Fartsalot is our comic book hero
- We believe in Dinofarts and in the Jurassic Fart
- Therefore we also believe in the evolution of farts into something more "manageable" like shit
- Our sacred symbol is the middle finger
- Our Ladies and Girls DO fart (particularly blondes, those have the nastiest ones)
- We celebrate birthdays with loud stinkless farts
- We celebrate mass with sneaky little silent farts that stink like hell
- We never sneeze and fart at the same time… try it, and you’ll know why
- Our headquarter address is 123 Pool Mafinger Drive
- And last (but not least) if our farts sound like a ripping fabric... Run! Because the world is about to end.
Additional commandments I imagine last night are:
ReplyDelete-You shall fart a lot!
-Depending on the Sound it makes, a fart can be considered music
-Some farts can come out with a prize.. those should be revered and applauded
-When driving and farting, you must lock the car doors so others can smell
-In bed, farts must be enjoyed under the covers
-Never marry a girl without knowing her farting intentions (you don't want to end up with somebody who does not like smelly farts, under covers. That can be "inconvenient")
-In our church you can only divorce by farting three times while having sex